Single Black Female
Recently on #3BGPodcast, me and guys talked about the 1992 thriller, Single White Female. A story where Allie played by Bridget Fonda leaves her cheating fiancé and searches for a new roommate. She puts out an ad for a single white female roommate and soon finds one. Hedy played by Jennifer Jason Leigh enters her life and they become girlfriends. That is until Allie's fiancé played by Steven Weber, comes back in her life and they fall back in love. What follows is Hedy being weird and vengeful, a dead dog, a missing gay friend, Hedy turning herself into Allie, and a heel silhouette in an eyeball. The movie aged a bit but it's still a fun watch. Now how do we turn this into Neckbones and collar greens?
If you're African American the phrase "How do we make a Black version of this?" has been said by all of us at least twice in our lives. Lucky for us, the good people at Lifetime had the same idea. Tyler Perry is running our playbook with bigger and blacker audiences. How do we combat this? Easy, just run his playbook on a cheaper budget yet look slightly more professional. Ha! Nah, they bout the same. The same amount "of a shit" goes into Lifetime movies but it takes a full calendar month instead of the standard weekend of filming Tyler Perry takes. This movie has some star power. Child star, character actress, and DC's own Raven Goodwin stars as Monica. This isn't her first Lifetime movie, she played Denise Clark in 2020's The Clark Sisters bio-flick. Amber Reily stars as Simone. And to Ms. Reily, I'm reading through your filmography and I must say. I owe you an apology, I wasn't familiar with your game. Shorty was in Glee and done a handful of high-end Broadway shows. I mentioned this because after watching both movies I can tell you this. The amount of lumber used in the acting department, (Chef's Kiss) Its like watching a retired NBA All-Star play ball in Turkey.
This movie takes place in Houston, but you know damn well it's Georgia. Monica's father just passed away from a plot point that won't mentioned until the last act, and her best friend Bebe encourages her to go on and do great. Bebe is played by K.Michelle, and she is ADR'd at least 40% of the time. Monica, a local daytime news star, knows it will be rough without her dad's guidance but she has a support system. A week later she dumps her boyfriend and she's ready to move on up at her job. She learns there will be a new show premiering next season. Monica and her very white co-host are in competition to get it. With all of this going on, she's gonna need a new assistant. Enter Simone. Besides being mouse-like, she's a people pleaser go-getter. Even though Monica isn't digging her she hires her. During this time Simone lets it slip that she knows about Monica's life a little too well. But it's ignored and is at this point you know where this is going.
Simone moves in next door to Monica. Monica's neighbor is a drunk old lady who's on the same level of that drunk lady on the TV show Martin. She's approached by Simone to rent a room. She tells her she's not renting a room until Simone pulls out a stack in front of her. That misdirection means nothing because like a scene later it's obvious as fuck that Simone killed her. For the remainder of the movie, people mention the smell omitting from the home. As much as Monica wants to deny it, Simone is a great assistant and person to talk to. Monica tells her mom played by Aunt Viv #1, Janet Hubert. See what I mean? It's like these stars were trying to pay off a car loan or something. Anyway, when Mama hears about the assistant being from a small town in Virginia, she gets suspicious. Same for Bebe when she sees the bonding between Monica and Simone. There's one scene where I swear to god you can see the fucking disguise on Simone's face the second Bebe speaks. While that's going on Monica's ex, Andre is looking into the day he cheated on her. Yeah, I failed to mention that. And the fact he's a local actor who played in an erectile dysfunction commercial. You know...important plot points. Andre swears up and down he doesn't remember that night, so he must have been drugged. Yeah, it's going there. So at this point, Simone is confronted by Mama. It seems that Simone is the bastard child of her late husband. The acting in this isn't horrible, just amazingly wooden for the actors who are in this. But Aunt Viv is the only one fucking eating and I love it. So after telling Simone to leave town, she starts going full nuts. Simone beats the brakes off of Monica's co-anchor. Andre finds out he was drugged and had sex with Simone. By the way, he has a tape of it. Simone came into the club and drugged him. In full 1080p! He confronts Simone catches a fire extinguisher upside the head and dies. She kidnaps Aunt Viv too.
I'm not going to give away too much of the climax. I do want you guys to watch the movie. It's a quick sit. It's entertaining because it's bad and Simone is kinda fun at the halfway make of the movie. K.Michelle also has some fun lines too. The only thing I will say is this. Simone lives...I call bullshit but she lives. If you got two hours to burn, give it a watch.
4 outta 10
*Bad Movie Gem*