Smiley


"Mark Harris of About.com gave the film an overall C+ rating, praising the film's script and Bart's performance, however criticizing Gerard's performance, and stating that the film lacked of scares and genuine emotion."

Hey Mark, fuck you for praising anything in this movie! But he's right about the rest. It took me 5 days to watch this movie because I had to shut it off every Goddamn time something stupid happened! This by far is the worst horror movie ever! From top to bottom! From the director to the lame bitches who need to fucking die for waiting off set to suck Shane Dawson's dick! It's shocking how this movie refuses to give you anything! Anything worth your time! One solitary fuck isn't given. I was told that "There is no such thing as worst horror movie of all time." True, but if assholes want to seriously quote Troll 2 the worst movie of all time, look at this shit. Troll 2 had comedy and lines you can quote. Sure not a good movie, but if you watch Smiley you're brain will jump out of your head to kick you in the teeth then jump out of a window. Here's a few more things to fear. A chimp directed it, a bunch of YouTube tools are in it, jump scares that are as anticlimatic as a faset dipping water and the script is about as cleaver and shallow like all of Shane Dawson's videos. And I call bullshit on the YouTube celebs! Where's 50 Tyson and Muscule's Glasses at!


So the movie is simple. You go into ChatRoulette and chat. Then type "I did it for the lulz" three times. Then the other person is killed by Smiley. It's a man wearing a Smiley mask that looks like the worlds most shittiest emoticon. Yeah, a Smiley emoticon as a killer. Creepy...yeah it would if I was like 16...no 11...no 7...no 4...fuck that! It's not scarey. Fuck, Slender Man is scarier and he has no face. (...how does Slender Man breath?) Well bravo, Marbles Hornets. You outshined a movie backed by Youtube! Anyway victim number one is a babysitter (You don't fucking say) who learns this from the girl she watches. Who is clearly 10, fucking around ChatRoulette! Chris Hanson would shit himself! After going home and seeing shots of her ass. (...meh, 6.4) Because the 10 year olds story was so compling she go online and does the command and is killed by Smiley! Despite her typing the command, but it says the other person typed it! This movie can get it's own story right! Besides all of this, the only people in ChatRoulette are pedophiles, exhibitionist, and kids sucker'd into chatting while playing a knock off Spongebob game!

Fuck me if I care. We then see our stars in college...hoorah...and joy. Ashley is a navie girl who is the main focus because she's...smart and...she like Shane Dawson's character? And the other girl is named Proxy like a Com-pu-tor. She be high tech! I call bubullshit on her IT skills. Fucking Ken from "The IT Crowd" looks like Bill Gates in comparison. Well during they're night of drinking one beer and taking two pulls off of a joint(Balls to the wall baby!) our ladies walk into the party. And the count is 2 to like 30. I dont want one but, when you have fuel for a rape scene take it. But it doesnt matter. This party is just a bunch dudes surrounding a computer. I swear useless it's The Sims, porn or 2 girls and a cup, then I don't want to see it! We met a few of the guys including the guy makes Annoying Orange. Fuck you dude, your threating children with you garbage! Also we met, Binder played by Shane Dawson. Or aka Pedobear! Why? Because he reported a classmate for pedophillia. And they mock him. Why are friends with these assholes!
Okay bulletpoints! The guys at the party were the ones to get the babysitter from earlier killed as we see them do it. So fucking glad I hate everyone in this movie! 


The guy off of Desperate Housewives or Hostel 2 is a professor and he bores us and slows down the already slow plot. That day Ashley and Proxy did the whole "I did it for the Lulz" shit and gets a fat shirtless man killed. Proxy tells Ashley to ignore the FUCKING MURDER SHE SEEN AND BE QUIET! But doesnkt work because not only does Ashley have a conscience but she see's Smiley everytime she logs in. This drives her insane and she reports the murder to the cops. And we see Keith David. And guess what!? Even his acting and overall coolest can save us! He claims she's crazy and ignores the report. YOU WOULD GET FIRED FOR THAT SHIT! This is not Southeast Washington, DC in 1986 when you could get away with multiple murders! I'm sorry, silly fucking me! This is a white college with the black person besides Keith David is the random black jock! Why am I reviewing this!!!

Another thing, they show her a video of her on Youtube going crazy slamming her laptop on a desk. What makes this scene incredible is that the cops uploaded it because you can see the editing options above said video. Then the othe cop says they have over 5,000,000 hits in one day! This ain't my dude on Cops getting tasered calmly saying "I'm gon' get you bitch". This is a white girl doing an uninspired beatdown to a laptop. Movie your proving how fucking retarded Youtube is! But Keith David just dismisses her and won't investigate the crimes! Cops...CAN'T...DO THAT! WHY AM I REVIEWING THIS!


So Proxy is scared because she can't unable to contact her boyfriend. She video chats Ashley and convinces Ashley go to his house to check on him. WHY NOT YOU! Ashley finds him shot to death. Because Ashley is proof that college makes you dumber. Instead of calling the fucking cops! She picks up the gun and hops on video-chat with Proxy, and tells her to types 'I did it for the lulz' three times to draw out Smiley. So she does so, door opens she shoot him...but it's Shane Dawson. DOUBLE TAP! DOULBE TAP NOW! So does she call the cops? NO!!!!! Doesn't matter cause Smiley appears and slits Binder's throat. Kinda late on the draw there Smiley! So with no where to go while being chased by multiple Smiley's, Ashley throws herself out a window to escape them and dies!


Now, to my Slasher/Horror fans and also movie lovers, get ready for the slap in the face! All the Smiley were those dicks at the party earlier in the movie. Even the goddamn babysitter from earlier was in on it. And Proxy was in on the whole thing, and even laughing about Ashley's death! And Shane Dawson stands up undead laughing about it too! So wait, how did the babysitter know this? She had to be told the story. And why shoot her death like she was unaware of her friend killing her and she was on ChatRoulette. She could have been chatting with a guy 6 states over! So she just so happen to....AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! All of these assholes are part of a group that makes me wish Alex DeLarge was here to kill all the men (...and rape the girls. What, it's Clockwork Orange, blame Kubrick for making magic!) A group called Anonymous. LAME! And they Heil salute to "For the Lulz!" I'm not making this shit up! By saying that all of whatever seriousness that was build (And not a lot!) it just left the movie! These pricks created the legend of Smiley. All with Shane Dawson being the leader! ...
Later, Proxy is video-chatting with her boyfriend, questioning their morality. WHAT BITCH? YOU LAUGHED AT YOU FRIEND WHO DIED IN FEAR! Her boyfriend types 'I did it for the lulz' three times. A real Smiley appears behind Proxy, kills her, and then waves at the webcam. ...


Let me sum it up like this. This movie is proof we have no good ideas anymore. Not only was this a terrible mix of Scream, Chain-Mail, and every damn jump scare in the Paranormal Activity movies. But the plot is a joke. The deaths are a joke. The acting is a joke.(Sorry Keith David, I love you man) The movie is a joke and it shows how hackneyed and demure these horror movies have gotten.

3BlackGeeks Rating-
Dee- F
Posted on October 27, 2013 .