Hahahahahahah...what the fuck is this movie? Basketball's answer to "You Got Served"? Hahaha, how did this movie get a theater release? I seen Youtube videos with better video quality. In fact this movie is on Youtube. No one claiming copyright on this? This movie was made during the "And1 Mixtape" hype, well more like its downslide. And1, for you who don't know, is a shoe company that stopped making shoes and started funding basketball shows around the country. The best street ballers in the US stopped hustling dresses at gas stations and selling drugs to play ball around the country. This would play itself out on the ESPN series of And 1 basketball, following the players personal lives along the tour. Great television and fun moments. But enough of that, on to the movie. This movie stars then unknown actor Anthony Mackie and Nick Cannon stand in Wesley Johnathan. But the real treat is Wayne Brady playing Nega-Wayne Brady. Its funny because Wayne Brady is a good actor. Its just in this movie he was draped in ham and chesse.
The movie starts off at a underground basketball game. It's underground because theres betting everywhere, groupies, music, trash barrels on fire and the players are being paid under the table. ...huh, so its a normal street basketball league minus the flaming trash cans. I see no need for then to be playing in an abandon trainyard. Seriously, this basketball or a stage on Street Fighter? But I'm no director or writer so what do I know? Silly fucking me. Wayne Brady, who I'm not gonna call him by his character's name, is the man who runs this elaborate and yet somehow illegal basketball game. Hell at the Goodman League ballgames in DC guys smoke weed in the crowd. In front of cops. And the same goes for The Rucker, half of the players are ex-cons! The game is Undevolped Bad Guys vs. Our Hero's team. I am not calling them by their team names. Its dumb as fuck, trust me. While both sides square off in a game of 21, we see Wayne Brady's love interest Nikki played by Kristen Wilson. She holds no weight in this story and she's only in this scene. Just wanted to point that out.
Well our heroes are polar opposites. Wesley is Noah Cruise the clean cut baller who has scholarship to UCLA. I'm sorry California University of Los Angeles. Let's go CULA!!! Mackie plays Tech, the bad boy with a heart gold. On to action, or balling in this case. It's cool but not as cool as the anime/manga hit Slam Dunk. Oh yeah, i went there. They lose the game because Tech got greedy and misses the last shot. The team of Heel's win and the heroes loses. Well Cruise goes home on his motocycle. Cleaver, jokes on you movie. I understand Chekhov's bike! Cruise is invited to CULA's campus in LA. Tech and Cruise work at a...let's say Foot Action both agree to go to LA together. I guess Tech has nothing better to do. Just then we meet Tech's love interest Eboni. And I'm not calling her ugly or anything like that, but Anthony Mackie deserves better. Both hit it off very quickly and no, I dont care about them. Just then the leader of the heel basketball team walks in. Holy crap its Phillip Champion! ....you know, Hot Sause from And1! ...screw you people. He hassels Tech by making him do advanced basic math and Tech can't do it because he has no GED. Seriously thats the excuse. I mean he's a basketball player, long division ain't on his strong side. There are more ways to exploite him being uneducated. I know college grads who can't find Vermont on a map.
After that jazz Cruise and Tech go to a tattoo party. And its the world best tattoo party ever too for a bunch of hoodrats and high schoolers. In comes in model/actress and I use both terms lightly with her, Eva Pigford. She plays the prettiest girl in Detriot named Vanessa. Cruise falls instantly in love with her. So much so after spending a few days with her he gets her knocked up. Damn, did you learn nothing from everyone basketball movie ever! So in the next few days Tech and an annoying little shit named "Up". I'm sad, I have no joke for that name. They hustle people on the ball court. "White Men Can't Jump" Style. This works well until their last game aganist Bell Biv Devoe's Michael Bivens and 40 year old baller. And thats not a joke, its fucking Mike Bivens. Their hustle is exposed by the most unintemidating dude in Detriot and Allen Payne. Haha...no bullshit, Allen "I'm waiting on Tyler Perry to call me" Payne. After a daring escape, which was "throw the money in the air and run like heck!", they hop on the next bus. They make enough for Tech. All right, victory. They make it out to LA and their shocked to see the airport...? Wait, where are they...? Establishing shot movie! Anyway, Cruise goes to CULA and we see some Kappa's stepping with their canes. It's a black college thing. There's no point to this shot outside of the fact I'm sure the director belongs to that fraternity. Tech is on a set to be featured in a basketball commercial. Now how the hell did that happen you ask? I wasn't paying attention, I'm sure Wayne Brady helped I think. Either way I'm sure this plays into the story somehow.
Tech does the commercial and he's shocked to find out he was a stunt double. After two seconds of the first sign of good acting in this movie, Tech wrecks his dressing room. Tech then yells at his girlfriend and punches a roadie in the face. Logical. Cruise decides to marry his hoe. Hoo-rah, but it's soured when she asks is he going pro. He's mad because Wayne Brady is trying to make him go pro. Okay, wait. We only seen this guy ball once. What makes him so special? Show us why! Anyway after that moment, it gets ackward because anyone with a functioning brain can tell Vanessa is a gold digger and a bad one at that, but more later. We get some relationship banter from Eboni and Tech, then the other happy couple shows up. Vanessa calls Tech a hitcher to Cruise success and...(Coughing) ...sorry, the irony is trying to choking me to death. Come to find out why Tech is struggling as an ex-con HIGH SCHOOLER! Its the age thing, I'm sorry. No way any of these characters are 17 to 19 years old. Truth is that Tech took the wrap for Cruise's crime so it won't break his Grandma's heart. This is some decent acting from Anthony Mackie which is killed by everyone else's facial expressions. Holy fuck, My Cousin Skeeter had better directors...and writers. ...and actors. Fuck, maybe on set food too.
So back in Detroit...no, bullshit this all LA and just shots of Detroit. Tech loses his job and Vanessa brags about how awesome Cruise is. Anyway Crusie and Tech have a heart to heart. Tech gets a few things off his chest and Cruise lets his plans be known. He wants to stay in Detroit and go to Comminity College like Tech and get his education to become a doctor. Fuck the NBA! Mainly because of the game he played in the begining of the movie was illegal. Now he has no scholarship. Wow. That one school asked for you. What about State of Carolina North or Nevada University of Las Vegas or the famous Devils that are Blue and localed in Durham, North Carolina a school called Duke? Now that is noble but Vanessa is claiming pregnant and...you know what no. This fucking dumb! Moving on. Cruise tells Vanessa his plans. I in no way can see how this can backfire. And like clockwork she pushes "Going pro" again. And you know what...yeah. Go pro. Vince Carter finished college while playing in the NBA. In fact, many do! And paying for College isn't easy dickhole! You deserve what's coming to you. So when Cruise announces he's staying in Detroit and doing the noble thing, she's like fuck you. The baby isn't yours. Ha! And the baby is Hot Sause's. Ha! Then she out right in Tyler Perry movie fashion announces her motives. Ha! What's more amazing is Cruise's reaction to this. Mainly because all of the acting talent in this movie belongs to Mackie. Cruise gets so pissed and pulls a "Kaneda sending Yamagata his wheels". To get this reference watch one of my favorite movies of all time "Akira". Its fucking awesome! The 10 second establishing shot of Neo-Tokyo is better then this whole movie! For those who don't have time he crashed his bike. Ha! Jay Williams reference movie. Gotcha!
Tech visits a heartbroken and just plain broke Cruise in the hospital. Tech following day confronts Vanessa at her job. Come to find out that Vanessa leaked the news of Cruise playing ball to the press. Why? I dunno? She's evil? Tech gives Eboni 10 grand to bet they can beat the Heel basketball team. Hey asshole, take the 10k and move! Its Detroit! This pisses off Wayne Brady cuz...well...I dunno. If he loses you'll be up 10k. Which is what Tech says. Also saying that Wayne planted the seed to make Vanessa tell Cruise about going pro. Claiming that "She's from the D. She was born with larsonie in her heart." Good quote. But that means your girl is too, so how did you win that arguement? Fuck this script.
Anyway, good guys win! Hot Sause's team cry. Cruise got some medical bill money and Tech is happy. But whats this, Tech and Wayne Brady have a face off. He offers Tech a chance to be his boy but Tech says no and walks away victorious! So we get to learn what happens to everyone ending. Brady moved to LA with his girl; Hot Sause broke his ankle and opened a strip club; Vanessa had several more kids; Cruise went to college and is becoming a doctor; Eboni is being boring and Tech plays for a Spanish basketball team. The End. Wait...nevermind this shit is over.
This movie was certainly filmed by gum. I have no idea where to begin, there's not much to like about this movie. I guess I liked Wanye Brady's cheesy acting and Anthony Mackie's solid performance. But the rest is crap. The storyline has some surprises but in the end it fails to keep me interested and it actually seems down right lazy. In the end it sucks, no need to bash this movie anymore than it deserves.