You know what, Strike Commando is my favorite Reb Brown. This one ain't to far behind. Reb Brown is a great "gun in my hand" good guy. But how great is he toe to toe, minus the rambo green beret bullshit he's given. Like if it was him versus Chuck Liddell in a cage match. And not just Reb. Lou Ferrigno always kick ass but in a "Hulk" style of doing so. Well guess what, both go into one in a movie called "Cage". A 1989 movie about the then rare and illegal sport of human cock fighting. I'm sure Dana White jerked off to this movie at least once. This movie is one of those great rental store action movies that your Uncle rented between him smoking weed and buying Gigantic Asses magazine. This movie is so badass and manly, that if my 4 year old son held the DVD, his voice would be deeper than Paul Robeson.

The movie starts out in Vietnam in 69'. It's a Reb Brown movie. It's either Nam or him at a funeral  Get it? Howling 2! Sybil Danning shows her tits like 10 times in it. Anyway, Scott (Reb Brown) and his best friend Billy (Lou Ferrigno) along with a platoon are struck in a fire fight and have to be lifted out. FYI, I'm calling them by their real names. After a daring and very dangerous race to the chopper, Lou gives Reb cover as he makes it to the LZ, but the chopper was taking off. Lou grabs Reb as they were taking off but "bang", bullet to Billy's brain. But badass Ferrigno still has a grip on Reb even in flight. Two questions, how can he do that when he took a bullet to the brain? And did the viet cong just stop firing at Reb? Whatever, Lou survives but has serious brain damage, but Reb stays with him as he makes it through rehab. FRIEND 4 EVA!!!!!!!!!! 

After a tiny time skip we see that Reb owns a bar and Lou is there to eat all the bar peanuts and play all the Double Dragon that he can handle. And I know Lou Ferrigno is deaf but he makes the perfect brain damaged person with his voice and all. The bar is losing money and Reb despite the help from his co-owner Meme still needs more. Elsewhere in movie B, we see an exciting late 80's cage match. You know before made it look homosexual. The man running it is Mr. Takagi from Die Hard. We also see the final boss or so you would think but later on him. His name is Chang, he looks like the final boss in Bloodfist. And like in that movie, neither talked. There we have Tony and Mario who have been on a losing streak with their fighters. Tony the brains promises to get another fighter and promises to pay Mr. Takagi his money. And I know "Mr. Takagi" isn't his name. But damn did Alan Rickman man it cool to say it. Also one of Takagi's henchmen is Al Joeng. Another Die Hard alum. Sadly no candy bars was stolen by him.

Tony and Mario go to Reb's bar to drink the night away I guess. But while there a group of Mexican gangster stereotype try to trash the bar. Reb and Lou go straight up boss mode on these fools and clear the bar. Tony loving the fighting ability of the mentality handicap wants Lou as their new fighter. Okay cool, but why not Reb? Reb did just as much damage. Well, Lou got top billing in the movie so I guess. Anyway there's no way Reb would let these guys take Lou anywhere. So they enlist the same gang to burn down Reb's bar. I get the plan but this banks on Reb and Lou being desperate enough to work with them. Anyway, the MexiCools(WWE reference) do it and burn the bar with Meme inside. Fucked up scene but it gives us magic. Lou Ferrigno and Reb Brown crying.

Oh yeah, there is one more subplot, but its not a subplot anyone cares about. No joke, it totally makes no sense. There's a reporter scoping out the Cage fights. Shes taken pictures and have the location. You'd think that would be enough but no, she still wants a larger scoop. All while being obvious as hell. Even following the janitors around the arena. I swear a marching band in a nursery would be spotted in less time then this chick. I wish I could tell you more but no, we're never told who she works for or her motivation  Anyway Mario and Tony take Lou out for lunch. They convince him to fight, saying it will help out Reb. I'm more surprised they didn't show him something shiny. Reb notices Lou when missing and goes to the police. After that bit-o-nothing it hits him that it might be one of the Mexican gang members burned down the bar. Reb is pissed and this is what I'm talking about. Reb is kicking ass and settling some accounts! ...thats a Robowar reference.

He goes down to the gangs hideout with shotgun in hand and starts regulating! We also witnessed to "Reason to love Reb Brown #17" Even chicks can get knocked the fuck out by Reb. Anyway he chases down the arson thug outside and we get a standard car chase with more gang members in tow. But what makes this so badass is what Reb does. He hits the handbrake to face the other car in his topdown Jeep; yells "Asshole" and fires "once" at the other car; nails the drive and their car does a corkscrew spin off a pickup truck. This is why I miss VHS action movies! So anyway Reb follows the remaining thug to his boss. I forgot to mention he looks kinda looks like the gangster in "Stand and Deliver". He tries fake Reb out but Reb fires before he could anything. Then the arson thug goes Jim Duggan on his ass with a 2x4 but this goes nowhere because Reb finds a molotv cocktail and burns the guy. Once again, this is why Reb Brown is God! He killed 8, count'm 8 people in this rampage!

Back to the reporter lady, still no new information on her. I'm shocked she wasn't found out at this point of the movie because she's dressed like the neighborhood watch guy. Well Al Joeng...I'm sorry Tiger Joe gets her captured. As this happens follow mafia boss Castillo and his bodyguard Danny Trejo (No shit, its him) were talking to Mr. Takagi. But Castillo notices Tiger as a cop who killed a few of his men. Lucky. Meanwhile Tony gets Lou in as he's has the look of a fighter. He has to fight in a number one contenders match to face the champ. Finally a cage fight! Don't get me wrong, I'm fine with Reb kicking all types of ass but the name of the movie is "Cage" not "Dee's 80's Action Wet Dream". Best part about this scene is Lou tries to shake the opponent hand but he's met with a "fuck you" and a perfect dropkick. The fight is pretty cool, but its hard to say that when one is mentally handicapped.

Takagi tells them Lou has to fight in 30 minutes, Lou doesn't like it. Seeing how he was almost knocked out in the last match. Tony slaps him and Lou hulks out nearly crushing Tony's skull! Awesome. Reb finds the cage arena but is captured after knocking out a guard. He's placed in a cell with Joe and the reporter lady. This is funny because the reporter is cliched on to Reb like shes his girlfriend. Tiger and Reb light a few rags on fire to get the guards attention and knock them out. Why go in and check on them? Let them die in the "fire", you were going to kill them anyway. Lou v. Chang is going on during this. Chang gets the upper-hand and starts punching Lou in the head causing him to have Nam flashbacks. Lou goes off on him and beats the fudge out of him. But the best part, Lou hangs from top of the cage and traps Chang in the headscissors and snaps his neck. Takagi is pissed and wants his money back. He books another fight with Lou facing the "East Coast Champion". The East Coast Champion of illegal cage matches?

Takagi once again says he has 30 minutes to get ready. Mario then says the dumbest line in the movie to Takagi. "What do you do? Just make up the rules as you go along?" ...yeah, its his illegal cage fighting league, he's Vince McMahon in this bitch. So somehow Reb gets to replace Lou in the match. And let me tell you, Reb flat out fucks this guy up. Realizing he's fucked and has to give up all his money; Takagi's henchmen kills Castillo  Then all hell breaks loose. As chaos hits Takagi makes his escape. Only to be bearhugged by Lou and gets his spine snapped! Mario dies, mobsters die, and not a cop in sight. After it calmed down, Tiger gives Reb, Lou and the reporter lady(who is still clinging to Reb!) a briefcase of a million dollars. So everyone makes it out safety. But we see Takagi's body...his undead moving body! OH SHIT!!!!

Cage is fucking awesome. Its a rare gem. There's decent storytelling, decent direction, decent choreography, and badass action. Its right on par with todays awesome straight to DVD titles. And of coarse, its Reb Brown and Lou Ferrigno in a movie together.

3BlackGeeks Rating-
Dee- B
Posted on June 3, 2013 .