I have return from my little writing break. As a person who isn't a fan of horror it was draining. But while gone I've seen a few movies and feel real good about this one. Seeing how the proud Black race, despite the fights about what he did for us and lack there of, we get President Obama again. I have my issues with him but he's been great for me, my family and friends. Oh yeah, HE SAVED THE DETROIT AND GOT SEAL TEAM 6 TO DDT THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF BIN LADEN! So let's open this month with a movie all blacks love...uh...Soul Plane? Okay, then, I guess.
In an interview, Kevin Hart said that part of the reason for the poor box office turnout for "Soul Plane" was due to bootlegging of the film. Hart said that the film was being bootlegged three months before the film was released in theaters. Hart also said the film "on the street, made 40 million dollars". I have to say, that's bullshit and truth at the same time. Bullshit to the 40 mill, but the bootleg part was true. So much so, that here in DC, Radio personality Russ Parr was plugging the movie while it was still on bootleg. Now is this movie great? No. Is it funny? Yes, but only if your high or the movie "Shoot'em Up" is too plot heavy for you!
This movie is pretty much a stand-up joke turned into a movie. Yeah I know Bebe's Kids and a few other movies were too but this is a bit worse. The cheapest laugh black comedians get are those that go "white people do this, black people do that." Super easy to do and done to death. Every now and then a good comedian changes up the formula and makes it funny. Basically this was the writers smoking weed looking at those jokes and saying "Shhhhhiiiiitttt. I could make a movie outta that." Still shocks me how Kevin Hart has a career. Thank God he's funny. Any other comedian would have been homeless after this. Or make more shit, I'm looking at you DL! Before I go into this, yes, I saw this a month before it came out in theaters. And how the fuck did that happen? Three months before a worldwide release? MGM must had given up. I understand a week or hell maybe a month but three? And if you knew and there was no way you would've known it was on the streets, why not release it early to get more money? Whatever, it doesn't matter. This movie, even if you liked it was a one time view type thing.
Nashawn Wade(Kevin Hart) and his toy dog...I've lost you already haven't I? Well Nashawn is having the ride from hell on his flight to...I dunno Compton! He goes to the bathroom and after flushing he gets his butt stuck in the toilet. And after that his dog is sucked through a jet engine. Okay, flag on the play, too much bullshit all at once. So as Nashawn is getting carted off he's yelling he's gonna sue. And he does and gets a settlement of $100,000,000. I'm sorry but despite the insane amount of money and him bankrupting an airline, all I can think about is how much it costs to get your butt hole repaired. Seriously, he's lucky he has bones, his ass was in a vacuum for like 2 minutes!
So instead of putting his money into the stock market, bonds or hell a sure fire small business, he uses the money to start his own airline. Ha! That's wacky. Even more wacky he calls it NWA/Nashawn Wade Airlines. NWA...Niggas With Attitude? North West Airlines? National Wrestling Alliance? Which one is it a play off of so I can't laugh at the joke? The terminal at LAX is called the Malcolm X terminal. Yes, the spirit of Malcolm Little who was raised in Omaha and lived in Harlem, has a lot to do with LAX! And don't give me that joke shit! It's not funny. A funny joke for LAX would be Magic Johnson seeing how he owns like every black business. Or how about making fun of a celebrity? The Eddie Murphy Terminal and have Tranny's directing people to the terminal. Or how about about something morbid? The Rodney King Terminal! Enough of my rage, what about the plane? It's a 747 that looks like Magic Bishop Don Juan took a shit on it. With customized with low-rider hydraulics, spinners and a dance club. I'm not a scientist but I can tell you in so many ways how this plane is impossible! Oh yeah still laughing? The safety video is also a spoof of the Destiny's Child song "Survivor". Okay...it's a little funny. And to be honest despite a lot of the unfunny used jokes , some people are giving their roles they're all,
Well NWA is going off on it's maiden voyage. We see our cast of colorful characters! Tom Arnold and his family, The Hunkee's, the white family that are there to make white people feel...I don't know. If I was white, they would make me feel ashamed. Method Man as Nashawn's cousin Muggsy, guess what he does! Snoop Dogg as Captain Mack because Mack means PIMP! Laugh damn you! The beautiful K. D. Aubert as Giselle. Also get your jerk off to her now, I think Hollywood and HipHop videos gave up on her. Godfrey, Brian Hooks, Sommore, D. L. Hughley as very unfunny, Loni Love, Mo'Nique, Francine Dee, Terry Crews and Richard T. Jones as a False Denzel. This movie has funny people, hope the script can help them. Spoiler..."WRONG"!!!
The flight takes off and oh boy Nashawn is dealing with a lot of problems. Captain Mack has acrophobia. When asked how so, he says he has never left the ground because he learned to fly in prison. Okay three things! Nevermind...Nashawn for some reason asks him who his "flying buddies" are? Captain Mack then shows him a picture of him with Taliban members. LAUGH! Muggsey is setting up a casino and strip joint in one of the areas on the plane. Once again, HOW!? Nashawn's ex-girlfriend Giselle is on board. The joke is that every time they talk something noisy enters there area. So we never hear Nashawn admit his love to her. It's funny the first two times but after that the movie can bite me! The Hunkee family are having problems too! Let's set it up, uptight husband, jail bait daughter, a tween son and a wife with an underwhelming sex life....it's to easy...to easy! The daughter drinks at the casino, the son is turned into a wigger and the wife wants black cock after picking up a porno mag. LAUGH YOU FUCKERS!
Somehow Mack dies after eating mushrooms that his co-pilot uses to soothe his genital crabs. Ewwww, that's nasty and it makes no sense! Meanwhile Cherry and D.J. are boning in every section of the plane. Now these were the funniest parts of the movie. Only reason being because Brian Hooks is being forced to fuck and Sommore trying cum is hilarious. Does it save the movie? Wow, that's a fucking dumb question! Only way this movie could be saved is if the ghost of Richard Pryor showed up and did a hour long stand up special in it's place. Nashawn then attempts to contact the co-pilot, but he is incapacitated after slipping on the water located around the hot tub. I think he died but that's silly. Oh yeah Lil Jon & The Eastside Boyz are filming a rap video with the Ying Yang Twins. Sadly it's one of the less wacky things in this movie.
So it's up to Nashawn to attempt to land the plane himself. How you ask? Oh easy, He used the stewardess' flight knowledge learned while having sex in the cockpit with the pilot on another flight. What? You wanted logic? Ha! You fool. Well they land the plane in the middle of Central Park. Hundreds died. And because this movie is chock full of zany shit the spinners from the plane were stolen. Okay how the...whatever. Nashawn finally gets to say what's on his mind with his girl. Yeah, that was a major plot point! He tells her he only broke up with her so she wouldn't give up her college opportunities for him. Wow...that was odd. It feels misplaced, a serious reason. A reason that shouldn't be in a movie called Soul Plane!
The movie ends with the Nashawn telling the audience the fate of his crew. He and his ex are back together taking their relationship slow, Muggsey has started a strip club and gambling casino located in an airplane similar to the club in Nashawn's plane, Elvis Hunkee has begun a sexual relationship with Mo'Nique. Funny huh, fat woman and a white guy. WHAT DO YOU KNOW, IT'S COMEDY! Elvis Hunkee's son has become a major music video director but has disappeared shortly after filming a Michael Jackson's video. LAUGH! THAT WAS FUNNY! Also the pilot later wakes up with his chain and clothing stolen. Okay that's kinda funny. The End.
This movie is ass! Kevin Hart is barely funny, it throws nothing but sex jokes at the audience half the time, no comedic timing from anyone, a lot of misused characters and the plot was everywhere. There was so much I cut out of this review because it held no baring on the plot. I'm sure if you're high or an idiot, this would be your favorite movie but nah. Now is this movie the worse Black movie ever?? The black movie that will doom the black race like they said in Boondocks?? Hell no. In fact double hell no. This movie is incredibly dumb, it is below what all of the writers and comedians in it are worth, but it sure as shit ain't the worse. To say this is the movie that defines the black race as "coons" and "buffoons" is nothing more than Tavis Smiley 21th century pretentious proud Negro bullshit. This movie isn't the downfall of the Negro race, Nicki Minaj is.
CJ - D