Here's something awesome, Dragon Ball the wonderful anime has about 18 movies in it's collection. 13 of them were made during the airing of Dragon Ball Z. They are some of the easiest film ever made. Not just DBZ anime in general is notorious for lazy spin-off movies. Every now then you'll get a movie with an original idea. But for the majority there centered around the timeline of the current canon of the series. That's not bad most of the time. But then you get shot for shot remakes of an event on the show being played on the big screen. Naturo, Inuyasha, Bleach, Ranma and etc have done this! Dragon Ball not so much but I think 6 out of 13 remakes still look lazy. Take a look at the Tenchi films...well the first two. Tenchi Forever can go fuck itself with Tenchi GXP and Tenchi in Tokyo! Tenchi Muyo in Love took an original idea and involved all of the main characters. It had there was passion, there was tension, it looked and felt bigger than the TV show. These's DBZ Movies is Toei giving Bird Studio's an extra 400,000 yen in the budget to make the movie.
But this is Dragon Ball, for even in at it's very worse, it's still better than Neon Genesis. I said it, screw their fans too. Enough of that anger. The name of the movie is Dragon Ball Z- Deadzone. Awesome, I hope Christopher Walken is gonna read Piccolo's mind and tell him "The Ice Is Gonna Break" in The World's Strongest. Now let's take all of the badassery in that title by saying the original Japanese title. Dragon Ball Z- Return My Gohan. The only way that title will be badass is if Liam Neeson and Harrison Ford were trying to out threaten someone.
The movie starts off with Piccolo screaming and breaking a Mountain into piece. Dragon Ball Z, only in this world shit like this flies! Piccolo is pissed he because Goku is Goku. I didn't mention, this take place before the storyline of DBZ began, and it leads to some interest tidbits...I mean me nit picking the fuck out of it. Just as Piccolo was about to yell at another ground mass, 3 shadowy figures jump Piccolo, then fire 3 blast at him and beat him. Note that I say "beat", because our villain declares Piccolo as dead without checking his dead body. He's also glad that Kami is dead too. But the next shot is Kami afraid that Goku may have killed Piccolo. This is confusing. If Goku kill Piccolo, then Kami would be disappearing!
Next we're in the 100 Acre Woods there we see 5 year old Gohan reading up on cicadas. Something I didn't learn until 8th grade! Gohan and Chichi are visited by Ox-King bring Gohan college sized books. Damn it Chichi, Gohan is never going to become doctor. And Dragon Ball GT doesn't count for whoever's wetting himself to comment, fuck off! During this visit Ox-King looks like he's having a stroke and falls out. Come to find out the three guys who jumped Piccolo uh...knocked down Ox-King with "the force" i dunno. They want the Dragon Ball on Gohan's hat. But instead of just giving it to then, Chichi goes all mama bear and tries to fight. And fails. We then get an awesome ass shot of Goku jumping out of a lake with the world's biggest Big Mouth Billy Bass in his hands. Then Goku races to his home, which was at least 9 fucking miles away, only to find out that they took Gohan. Why not his hat instead? The plot needs it I guess.
Gohan was taken to an evil ass castle on the ocean. There we meet Garlic Jr. A basic villain indeed but he was given a decent story. It seems his father and Kami fought to be guardian of the earth. Kami won and Garlic Sr. was pissed. So he unleashed a demonic army of hell to rule the earth. Kami's predecessor stopped him by opening up a portal called the "dead zone" trapping him and his minions forever. ...okay, i could break this down piece by piece but no I won't! ...nah got to say something. All of that is wrong as hell. Kami was an alien that hide as a demon and...screw it's, Dragon Ball and logic are foes.
Somehow after all of the crying Gohan was doing he starts playing tag with one of henchmen. Glad to see that his life is in danger. Garlic is keeping him because he could feel Gohan's power when he was crying. Then Gohan eats a big apple that makes him drunk. While Gohan is running around drunk out of his mind Garlic says "There is a great power in him." The hell? That's like me looking at my son running around acting like Batman and I say "There's a great veterinarian in that boy." Well Gohan passes out. Good now we can get this movie going. Garlic collects all 7 of the Dragonballs and wishes for immortality. And yes, Garlic Jr. is the only villain in Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, Dragon Ball GT or whatever piece of shit Toei Animation made Dragon Ball related; to actually wish for immortality and get it.
Well instead of this movie ending right the fuck now, Goku shows up wanting his son back. Garlic laughs off Goku but stops as soon as Kami shows up. Hey Garlic check to see if the people killed is actually dead. Just saying, double checking never hurt anyone. Kami gives us a history lesson on shit that has never happened in the Dragon Ball timeline, check a couple of paragraph up if you missed it. That storyline also makes Garlic's return in the filler episode's more pointless! Which is sad, cause on a scale of 1 to 10 it was a solid 7. Goku tries to get Gohan with the henchmen in tow. While Garlic Jr and Kami face off. Ha, yeah Kami is a threat. A ham sandwich could kick Kami's ass.
Now the fights are pretty damn nice I will say that. Goku is having trouble but here comes Krillin to save the day. I'm cool with that, but who else was wishing for Tein or Chuck Norris? But we get someone better, Piccolo shows up pissed that the guys who kicked his ass didn't bother to follow up on him. Seriously that kinda pissed me off. Then Gohan pisses on Krillin's head. ...it happens! Piccolo goes for Sansho, while Goku fights Ginger and Nicky. Krillin is told to get Gohan out of there. And it takes this dope like 6 years to find a door. Just leave the way you came Krillin! I know it's for later in the plot. Meanwhile, my man Kami is getting dusted by Garlic. Kami then tries to blow him and Garlic up. Garlic informs him that he can't die because of the wish. By the way, great guardian'ing the earth Kami. You let a powerful mad man gain immortality, brava.
Goku and Piccolo show up to stop this crap. Garlic then hulks up into a large muscular body and starts beating their ass for free. Goku and Piccolo decide to take off their weighted clothes and beat down Garlic. Even blasting him away. Then after hearing that Garlic is immortal, Goku says the stupidest line in this movie. "We beat him!" ...no. ...no! ...NO! He told all of you he's pretty much god, you all see that Dragon, and he was dead serious telling you. Oh yeah I forgot everyone in Dragon Ball movies has memories as short as ant's dick! And guess what! Garlic gets up pissed off yelling "I can't die!". Damn, I guess he was telling the truth! Garlic unleashes his ultimate attack, which is opening up a portal known as the "Dead Zone". Or the "Phantom Zone", either way I wanna see General Zod.
Any and everything is getting sucked into the void. After everyone holding on for dear life, Gohan stands up unaffected by the 5 mile vacuum. Garlic ups the power and Gohan still doesn't move. Garlic is happy to see Gohan standing because this means he's right about Gohan having the...I don't know "The Glow". Gohan releases his latent energy, blasting Garlic into his own vortex to be trapping for an eternity. All while yelling " You will bow down before me, Jor-El! First you, and then one day, Jor-El, your heirs!" ...what? That's the only Superman movie I like and will quote. After everything is over, Goku was with Gohan. Gohan happy as heck doesn't remember a thing of what happened. Good! And that's not a joke either. The boy was drunk, he might tell his mom! We see Piccolo looking down on Goku and his friends and vows that one day, he will defeat Goku. The End.
I gave this movie a lot of crap but it's not bad. Not by a long shot. Its not boring, just enough action, the colors look amazing in this movie, and we got to see Garlic beat the crap out of a elderly man. Now this movie does and still seems like a better way of opening up DBZ. But nah, I rather we see Raditz pimp slap Krillin with his tail. And there would be a few continuity issues. But who cares the next Dragon Ball Z movie is proof that there is a God in heaven.