I'm gonna do a straight up cult classic and also a favorite of mine. A movie that's been gaining an bigger audience each year. Why?! No, that wasn't in anger toward the fans liking it, it focused on people disowning it for so long. This movie along with Halloween 3 gets unfair treatment in my book as one of those bad movies. Besides the shitty film stock and cursing 12 year old kids this movie has ambition and balls. Ha, I skipped ahead. For those of you who seen this movie, damn is it entertaining! All the rest of you download that shit now. Who cares if its illegal or not. As long as you watch it. Oh yeah, more importantly read this blog!
The movie opens up to someones home video at a lake. Mr. John Baker and his kids, Angela and Peter, out on a lake. After their boat flips, John and the children head ashore. As the family swims, a motorboat runs them over. I would laugh but I have a soul. Then again my ass or my kids asses wouldn't be rednecking it on a speedboat on the lake. Eight years later and Angela survived. She's living with her aunt who is nutty as chipmunk shit. Her acting is like they pointed into a crowd of women inside of a Columbus, Ohio Wal-Mart and told her to read this. And as eccentric as she is, she's a Doctor. Funny part is Conservatives think that Obama care will produce these Doctors. Also there is her cousin Ricky Thomas who is a offspring of Ralph Macchio. Angela and Ricky are sent to Camp Arawak. Where Ricky makes friends and Angela gets bullied for...being quiet. I saw this movie when I was 7 in 1990. Even then I found out that girls are bitches to other girls for no reason.
I'd be introverted too this camp is full of monsters and boys who are more feminine then the girls. A camp counselor who smokes big ass cigars, jailbait everywhere, Jersey Shore members older siblings, and 80's muscle heads. Oh yeah we got a cook who is a molester. The fuck is Chris Hansen at? The Head Bitch In Charge that bullies Angela is Judy. A nice piece of 15 year ass...I mean she a villain in the movie. I think I can get a pass on that. I was a kid when this movie came out. Judy one of those desperate bullies too. Despite her body and her flirting no one wants to fuck her, well at least the guys she wanna bang. So what to do? Take it out on Angie. Also there's Meg she's cunt with a capital bitch. Yeah, I know that made no sense! The fucked up stuff continues, the head cook tries copping a feel on Angela, until Ricky interrupts and the two children roll out. Well later he's standing on a stool over the world's biggest pot of boiling water. An unseen figure knocks him off the chair. Bam! Hot Grits...Al Green reference look it up. He lays on the ground screaming for like a solid minute until the director remembers to say cut. The camp owner Mel rules it as an accident.
After getting kissed by Paul, Angela flashes back to when she and her brother witnessed their father in bed with another man. Sleepaway Camp, gay love story too. This film has it all. Judy is mad because she hasn't been laid yet so she seduces Paul. They're found later kissing by Angela and Ricky while a thrilling game of Capture the Flag. Judy and Ricky share a back and forth. Judy is so hot in this. I mean...ewww. On the beach, I mean lake beach...lake shore...whatever; the next day Paul gives Angie the old "Her tongue was in my mouth not the other way" routine. Judy and Meg break up this romance by hurling Angela into the water. After being taken out of the lake by lifeguard Hal and having sand flung at her by several small children, asshole kids, Angela is comforted by Ricky. Ricky swears revenge for his cousin even calling the kids "fuckers". Ricky you couldn't threaten a turkey sandwich. Don't know why, but after seeing Meg and Judy in jailbait gear, I kinda want something creepy to happen. Well, Meg ask old man Mel out on a date. Ewwww, because that's what I wanted to see. Old man bang the youth. Sick! Thank God the formula for this movie is simple. Meg get a knife in her while showering.
A social is held hopefully addressing these murders and the impending lawsuits. There Paul ask Angela to meet her at the lake afterwards. The six children who threw sand at Angela are taken out to go camping with counselor Eddie. When two of them ask to go back, Eddie takes them back to his car and drives back to the camp. The other four children are hacked to bits with Eddie's axe when he returns. Shit! Judy gets blown off by a guy and is pissed. So somebody...come on now we know it's Angie. Well Judy's knocked out and is murdered when a hot curling iron goes into her Va-JayJay. Wait can that kill you? No time now! The camp is thrown into a panic when Eddie announces the deaths of the four children. Oh and the 2 other bodies in the last 4 days didn't cause this panic why? Ricky overhears this news and gets attacked by Mel. You see Mel was gonna fuck Meg...maybe but now she's dead. I didn't mention his epic ass monologue that was almost drowned out by the music. But it lasted for like 2 minutes. After beating Ricky's ass for free, Mel stumbles into the camp archery range, where he is shot in the throat with an arrow by Angela. Pretty cool effect too.
As the counselors and the policeman(With fucking black tape as a mustache!) get to the camp, they discover Ricky, ass handed to him and unconscious. Angela meets Paul on the beach,and Angela wants to go skinny dipping. Ha! Paul is soooooo dead. And for those who wanna know, no. 15-16 Judy is one thing but two naked 13 year olds, sick. We all know Angie did it, hurry it up movie! So later Ronnie and Susie find them as Angela humming to herself. We get a flashback with Angela's aunt. Big deal, Angela sounds like Angel. Rada-Rada-Rada...wait...what wait, Peter? Angela stands up with Paul's sieved head in one hand and a bowie knife in the other. The camera pans back to show naked Angela ...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Angela has a dick! Yup, it is revealed that the real Angela died in the accident and her brother Peter survived. Her batshit Doctor Auntie Martha decided to raise Peter as the girl she always wanted. The End.
I seen a lot of fucking movies. Too many when I think about it sometimes. How can you hate this movie. I mean it's no Friday the 13th, Saw II, Halloween or any good horror movie but I stand by that. This movie had deaths, kids cursing and reeks of 80's. Oh yeah, one of the greatest twist endings of all time. And they hid it well. Only dropping some hints but never going that extra mile. M.Night can go fuck himself with one of his Golden Globes! That's a fucking twist. A edit effect of a girls head on a naked 12 years body! Ewww!!!