Child's Play- Bride of Chucky

Jennifer Tilly, how the fuck did you not become a bigger actress? Oh yeah, the fact that Don "The Dragon" Wilson rabbit punched you in the throat and you sound like that. I kid, and I really like her, but it's odd outside of that voice she comes off as a sexier and less talented version of Renee Zellwegger. Except no down syndrome face. Oh yeah I said I it. Now the sad thing about Jenni is this is her best known movie. A movie with a killer doll. As luck would have it she's in cult history now. "Chicks in horror movies I wanna bang". You laugh but that list is infamous.

The film is set just one month after the events of Child's Play 3. So it's 1991? Oh yeah silly me, this is offically 8 years now. Fuck you logic. Tiffany played by Jennifer Tilly, is fucking hot. I love goth chicks. Yeah I'm black, I like my white women pale and dressed in black. Also being able to make a mean bowl of chilli is a plus, but moving on. Tiff is the former lover and accomplice of serial killer Charles Lee Ray. She acquires Chucky's chopped up remains. Now how? Bribing a cop with those puppies and then murdering a police officer who removed the dismembered "Good Guy" doll parts from an evidence locker by slashing his throat. Now I have a question how did you know Chucky did that? Also how did you know that his body was recovered? Whatever Jennifer, just keep the rack in view of the camera. So still thinking his soul is in the doll, Tiffany stitches Chucky back together. He looks like shit but crazier which works for Chucky. I kinda like it but I'm lost. He doesn't even look like a Good Guy doll anymore. It looks like the Good Guy doll took a massive dump and was coming as he did it.

Tiffany reenacts the voodoo ritual, HOW DOES SHE EVEN KNOW THAT RAY DID THIS?! Well she fails but when her "I listen to goth metal/but I have a emo live journal account" boyfriend shows up for sex, Chucky unexpectedly springs to life and kills the living shit out of him, all while Tiffany rubs one out watching. Bitches, am I right fellas? Tiffany and Chucky then get into an argument because Tiffany believed Chucky wished to marry her. ...what?! That was the whole reason? So we watch a grown ass woman and a doll argue..... I saw a babysitter fall to her death by means of editing, this series has lost all seriousess with me. Upset Chucky (a doll) doesn't wanna marry her she puts him in a playpen. She later gives him another doll in a wedding dress with a real diamond ring to mock him. Oooohhh, that will teach the serial killer. Hold on, that's a real ring and he's a serial killer. He's MacGuyver level when it comes to ways of killing lady! I hope he kills you. While Tiffany is watching TV and taking a bath, I came...but in the movie Chucky escapes by cutting through the wood of the play pen with the diamond part of the ring. Diamond cuts everything! Remember that! Chucky pushes the TV into the bath, and fries Tiffany which is great because I like my breast fried! 

Chucky finally figures out how to seal the deal after 3 movies. He uses the same voodoo spell on Tiffany and transfers her soul into a female doll. All so she could feel what Chucky went through as a living doll. Hey Chucky, why not transfer your soul into something else. Because if... never mind. Despite the loss of Tiffany's body and her being ultra pissed at Chucky, they come up with a plan to become human again. How, by retrieving an amulet that was buried with Ray's body.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,...3 movies passed and you just came up with this plan?? If the point of finding this amulet is to return you to your old body, why fuck around three different times to possess someone? You took people hostage,when you could have done this years ago instead of pissing away open chances to get the amulet! 

So the next step is to find two find two other bodies. Hey why not Tiffany's neighbor a hulky beefcake named Jesse? Also his girlfriend hot Jad- Katherine Heigl?! Holy shit, I guess you gotta start some where. Yes I know she was Segal's daughter in Under Seige 2, but damn! Well these two are your typical young love couple. He's a self absorted jerk and she's a bitch. Just to add, I'm happy the Play Pal company made a female the extact height as the Good Guy dolls. Chucky has enough problems. Tiffany sends Jesse a message asking him to take the two dolls to New Jersey in exchange for cash. He does it because

(Warning: Dee makes another Jennifer Tilly boob joke, you've been warned

I would do anything for those boobs. And that's my last boobie joke. I got one more movie with her. Lucky for them Jesse convinces Jade to go with him and helps her pack, all while getting bitched at. This is all standard but I need one more actor to make this movie better or make me bitch more. I feel like I'm shitting on this movie unfairly.

So we find out that Jade's uncle Warren, who is PLAYED BY JOHN RITTER- (Takes out a jug of vodka and chugs it) Yup, Jack Tripper is in this movie, why the hell not! He was in a movie about a giant ass spider. God "It" made no sense!  -is a horses ass of a police officer who hates Jesse, so he plants a bag of weed in his car. As this is happening, get this elaborate bullshit, Tiffany and Chucky set up the airbag to launch nails at Warren's face and, shocker it works! I'm sorry, I'd rather they just shot him! They hide the body in the backseat, Jesse and Jade comeback and are none the wiser. Later they're pulled over by Officer Norton, who asks to search Jesse's car for the planted drugs. Good to see that plan still being carried out even after Uncle Warren's death. When he finds it, he goes to his car to report to Warren. Chucky crawls over and stuffs a cloth into Norton's gas tank and lights it. Boom dead po-po. Jesse flee's the scene and there nothing like a cop dying that makes you wanna think marriage.  Jesse and Jade  stop at the same wedding chapel/hotel Marge and Homer were married at and tie the knot.

Now they meet a con-artist couple who steal Jesse's money. Also Jack Tripper is still alive. Don't worry Chucky stabs the fuck shit outta him. We get to see Tiffany's moral center when the con-artists are fucking and Tiffany who saw them take the money, says the chick "doesn't deserve to wear that ring", maybe because she's not in true love? Or Tiffany believes in true love. It's interesting the sociopathic Tiffany believes in marriage and will kill to get it. And she does, she chucks a bottle of Wal-Mart champagne into the mirrored ceiling, sending down shards of glass and killing both con-artists. Okay, that was the coolest death besides Phil getting Rolento'd on the steps. Rolento...Street Fighter reference, I'm a fucking geek bite me! Nothing like killing for these two dolls, Chucky even lets Tiffany know his true feelings. He even proposes to her in the same way I'm sure some couples in America have already done.... or DjTsu will in the future!

After that sweet shit they have sex.

Okay...okay...okay...NO! NO! NO! NO! This is wrong because of a few things. 1) How can Chucky spring a boner! 2) If he has blood and sperm how does it shoot out. Chucky has never taken a piss before! 3) This is fucking stupid! That mean Tiffany was made with a hole inside of her? So was she a sex doll or a some sick fantasy of a teenage boy? 4) I don't care if I'm jumping ahead! How the fuck was she able to give birth? She doesn't have periods she's a fucking doll! 5) THIS IS FUCKING STUPID!

The next morning, Jesse and Jade drive away with their best friend David, who knew about their plan to elope. Nice of him, we need another dead body! Word has it that recent murders are all on Jesse and Jade. To make matters worse David finds Warren's body in the backseat. You know, Chucky was never good at hiding bodies. They pull over and scream at each other and finally Tiffany and Chucky come alive. Hell they even hold them hostage with guns, demanding that they keep driving. The fuck did they get guns?? And should they shoot them, the recoil alone will send them flying. Now check out this wacky shit, David accidentally backs out of the van and is hit and killed by an oncoming truck. Either Darwin is right or God is the biggest joker ever! The police are chasing the group, so Chucky shoots the cop cars and makes them go off road. During that time, they reveal their plan and get Jesse to drive in a mobile home to keep the cops off them by using a different vehicle. You know, this movie about killer dolls is getting serious.

While preparing Jade for the body-switch, Tiffany begins talking with Jade, who manages to turn Tiffany against Chucky. Fucking Katherine Heigl! You got Isiah Washington kicked off of Grey's Anatomy...actually I don't give a shit. I just wanted to be funny. Chucky and Tiffany fight because their stupid as hell! Jade kicks Tiffany into an oven and locks her in it. Jesse pushes Chucky out of a window. Chucky shoots at Jesse, causing the RV to run off the road. They ditch it and just so happens they're by Chucky's grave. A doll chasing two grown humans, its been 4 movies and it still looks silly! Chucky finds Jade and forces her to take him to his grave, while Jesse takes a toasted Tiffany and follows them. Chucky orders Jade to open the casket and give him the amulet. After she breaks it off his skeleton's neck, she throws it out at him just then Jesse shows up with Tiffany.

A mexican stand off but they trade off, and while Jesse and Jade share a hug, Chucky throws his knife at Jade until Jesse sees and turns her around. Bam knife to the back! And now Chucky starts the ritual.
Tiffany kissing Chucky, pulls the knife out of his pocket, stabbing him in the back. Then Chucky stabs her in the heart. Jesse knocks Chucky into his grave and he demands to be let out. An investigator arrives to see Jade pointing a gun into the hole. He sees Chucky and is clearly shocked by what he sees. The investigator then watches Jade shoot Chucky several times while he yells he'll come back as he always comes back. We know Chucky Hollywood whores you out all the time! While stumbling upon and investigating Tiffany's doll body, Tiffany suddenly springs to life and gives birth to a doll child before finally dying. The baby seems to attack the investigator. The End.

The fuck did I just watch?!

This movie was good until the last act. I think what kills this movie is that it's the same old shit. Chucky saying that he always comes back is an understatement! He comes back and never learns his lesson. This movie wasn't totally terrible, I liked it more than 3...but...whatever.

3BlackGeeks Rating-
Dee- C
DjTsu- C
Cj- C
Posted on October 18, 2012 .