Dead Leaves



In the year 2000 I met my wife Angela in High School. Since I was kid and disrespectful as fuck, I would always refer to her looks like other big black women. I said she looks like Kelly Price, Angie Stone, a dark skinned Kim Whitley, and Kevin Bacon. But Angela was always my good luck charm. I passed Algebra, Spanish 1, Spanish 2, I learned more about music, and I saw The Hollow Man. (Get it, it's a Kevin Bacon movie!) So skip a few years and I'm porking that big chick. I laugh because I was unsure about her weight silly me my girlfriend when from and in this order, Petite, Slender, Bottom heavy, Thick and Kevin Bacon. (Okay that's the last one) So it made sense for me to get a big girl. I wanted a motorcycle but I said fuck it and got a Suburban! Some of you may laugh at me but when Winter comes my wife has 4 wheel drive.  Oh to the review.

It doesn't take any effort to confuse a none anime fan with a anime plot. But every now and then we get one that confuse's anime fans. Even the pretentious ones who get the "real" meaning of Akira. Dead Leaves is what happens when Fooly Cooly chain smokes weed, popped a few Ecstasy pills, shotgunned a half-pint of Jack Daniels and then tell it to tell you a story. Dead Leaves refuses to slow down because 46 minutes isn't long enough to make a story. Fuck that! This movie was directed by Hiroyuki Imaishi. He was the key animator for Neon Genesis Evangelion and after this movie he would do the character design for Fooly Cooly and be the main director for Gurren Lagann. So in other words, shut up as he eye fucks you.


The movie starts with two naked bodies in a valley a man and a woman. The man is called Retro because he has a retro TV for a head. ......I lost you haven't I? The woman is called Pandy because she has birth mark on her face making her look like a panda. Well the next logical step is for them to go to the city to rob and steal for clothes and food. The animation is pretty damn off the wall. It comes off very cool. It's like "Cool World" in anime form. Fuck, you'd half except Brad Pitt to be walking around talking about not fucking doodles! Well after stealing a car, Retro does some Matrix/John Woo/Breaking the laws of Physics-Fu to the cop chasing them they realize they have superior physical abilities. So when Pandy tries to think back on how they came to be, her eye flickers and she has the world most messed up brain fart. Because of that they're captured by the authorities in downtown Tokyo. Now it makes sense this this all taking place in Japan! Well instead of a real jail their shipped to a Super-Duper Max prison called Dead Leaves, located on a half-destroyed Moon. Think of Alcatraz but no one escapes with out the vacuum of space killing them! Just saying, why not kill them right there?

Retro and Pandy are incarcerated and put into body wrapped straitjackets. They kinda look like the body condoms off of Naked Gun. We So while in a line Retro meets Chinko. He's an genetic freak with a large drill bit for a dick! And it cums! He's not the only freaky genetic curse against God in this place. There is a guy that has a penis for head, that cums! Anyway during their mandatory defecation, you heard me, they shove a tube up your ass and make you shit. ...I think I said this before but why not again. Japan your fucked up!  We then get to see the antagonist named 666 and 777. Wow movie was that symbolism in a movie with a drill bit that shots jizz! Got to admit that takes guts. Anyway, 666 yells at an inmate for shitting to much and it gets more cartoonish. 777 flicks an inmate in the face, killing him along with everybody else behind him. That is some fucked up shit.While that was going on, Pandy was underground breaking boulders along side Dr. Yabu. Who just so happens to speak in exposition and knows about Pandy and Retro. Later as all of this happens, Pandy and Retro are in there cell. Where Retro doesn't shut the fuck up! He then has the bright idea to have sex with Pandy. How in those straitjackets? The hole they shit out of. Why not! Now the scene is funny as all the other inmates hear the fucking. It even gets Robo-penis horny. Just a question, why the guards didn't stop this? Ahh, whatever. After coming and who wouldn't they escape from there straitjackets. And even they questioned how they did that too.


Retro and Pandy put together a mass prison break. And the action is fasted paced and it would be insane of me to explain it all. It's one of the most chookiest scenes I ever scene. All with Yabu explaining to Retro and Pandy the secret work being carried out at the prison. 777 and 666 decide to track down the prisoners when they head for the Warden's office. Now whats the ultimate plan for the prisoners? Ah who gives a damn, more pointless action! While all this is happening Pandy looks to be full term pregnant after 4 minutes. Seeing how they're  genetic freaks, I guess Retro has that "super sperm" that Method Man use to rap about. Well fuck all that, 666 and 777 are there to fight!

Yabu tells Pandy that, Retro and her were spies working at the facility. The crazed warden is trying to get revenge on Pandy by re-creating a deranged fairy tale she remembers from her childhood. And when Pandy thinks on it, Yabu is dead! Fight scene! All of this awesome but uh, slow down tell us...you know...anything? Well we met the Warden. Some crazy bitch exposing one tit. Her name is Galactica. She's mix between Emi from Tengu Tenge and Garlic Jr. We find out she is the one in charge of the cloning and genetic engineering experiments. So Pandy and  Retro's child come out strapped son! The baby has two twin machine guns and blows the warden away. Just like my first born. Remember that honey?


But then the movie slams the "bonkers" button again and the Warden turns into a giant caterpillar. Now yes this was a part of the demented fairy tale she resided but what the hell! By this time Retro had his head cut off and Pandy was like anyone else in this situation, shit out of ideas. But they're kid who is a old man now...I stopped asking questions a while ago. The old offspring sacrifices himself so that his two parents can live. Pandy and Retro talk as their ship crushes into the earth, crushing a previously-victimized bystander. The End. Beautiful, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WITNESS!


This movie has so much ambition. It gives you action and plenty of it. It takes an art form not many do and makes it look fantastic. You can see how this paved the way for Fooly Cooly. But again, the plot made no sense and oddly enough even with it's short running time it makes your eyes tried. But this movie is a gem. Check it out.

3BlackGeeks Rating-
Dee- B+
Posted on September 30, 2012 .