Chobits


"What's wrong with you Dee? Every nerd or geek would love an android girlfriend! Why not you?" Well that's very simple, I like the feel of real vagina and not fucking a giant Duracell! Don't get me wrong, we've seen some awesome looking female androids in Sci-Fi and in anime respectively. Here's my problem with that and generally with anime in the first place. Chi is build like high schooler! Even worse she has the mind of a 6 year old. Honestly that's a bad combo. I know we will always have guys beating off to jailbait girls thats just a fact. Then again those 17 year old girls aren't doing "cute child like things". Thats my biggest beef with anime. Mature women aren't featured too much in anime so instead we get elementary school to high school aged girls that are over sexualized and grown men wanting to bang them. The target fan service audience are Otaku but not high schoolers, they're grown ass men living in there mother's basements! Creepy! What was I reviewing, oh yeah:

 Chobits,
The shit that sparked my rage!

Before I get into it let me say the good now. Despite the shit that goes on in this anime the animation is nice. Some of the story elements I do like. But the rest is otaku porn! "Chi is being so kawaii! She has a cute mini sidekick. Oh Hideki is a nerd, just like me! Hot anime chicks,  awesome!". We met Hideki Motosuwa a 18 year old walking stereotype and a student attempting to get into a university. Forgot to mention he's a virgin. God forbid your an 18 year old virgin! You should have been fucking at age 7! Hideki wants nothing more than getting into college and having a cute Persocom to surf the internet for pornography. The hell is a persocom? It basically a andriod that's a personal computer. But he wants a cute one which mean he wants to fuck it. And for those who say no, bullshit. What's the point of having a walking talking PC that has emotions, if you can't fuck it!

One night out, he finds a Persocom in the garbage. Those things cost like 70,000 bucks! Even if that thing breaks down I'm using it as spare parts. Well Hideki activates her touching her "g spot". And I'm not fucking kidding! The first thing she says and the only thing she says for a while is "chi" and every otaku just came. I don't get it, why chi? I guess it was cute but really that thing is a walking ipod and can only spit out one word. My navigation in my Kyocera can tell me details on how to get to Pizza Hut! So he names her Chi. Really, I guess we should have called R2D2 "Beep-Boop-Beep-Beep", our bad. He tried hiding her from his neighbor Shinbo and his mini-Persocom Sumomo. But after failing to, he decides to keep her and she's happy. Goodie! She can fucking show emotion but not talk. This bitch must run on Windows Vista!


Hideki wants to find out more about Chi, so he takes her to Minoru Kokubunji. A rich but very young expert on Persocoms. There, they find out she has some sort of learning program even though she has no Operating System. So Hideki would be able to teach her and she'll learn. Seeing how you wanted a Persocom for porn and you're usless around women Hideki...teach her the word "apple" means blowjob. Hideki is going broke so he gets a job by accident at a pub called Yorokonde. There he meets a real girl named Yumi. We then get a episode of Hideki scared to buy underwear so Chi does...whatever. Then another with Chi reading a book. You know, boring shit!

Chi seems to be tired constantly. Hideki learns that Persocoms need to be charged. Normally, prolonged exposure to sunlight is fine, but in this case, Chi needs to be plugged in. Hideki can't recharge her because he hasn't paid his electricity bill. Then why keep the 100,000 dollar android!? Sell her to a dealership! So he takes Chi to Yorokonde. Again, outside of "awwww she's dying and he's saving her" nothing exciting. I guess there's the thing that he cares for her but she's a robot! I'm sorry android, no fuck that, she's a PC that can't boot up fucking MS Paint! Chi wants to find a job to so she can help Hideki pay for their expenses. Took long enough you freeloading bitch! Cash, grass, or ass! But Chi gets an accidental job at the peep show. Hideki gets her outta there but lets be honest, that was the perfect job for her. She's an android, they have no emotions! I'd be like stay in the peep show, LL Cool J might be watching you eating a apple. Apple! Blow job Chi, hop to it!


Chi's defense mechanism activates and puts her in a trance-like state that results in her jumping from building to building. Hideki goes looking for her again! Seeing Hideki takes her out of the state, and he takes her home. Oh fuck that machine! Chi decides to buy a book and a porno mag for Hideki. Hideki learns from Shinbo that Persocoms need bathing. Since he doesn't have money to buy bathing software for Chi. You heard me! Software! He has to teach Chi how to bathe. Okay, a few things. A) She's a robot! You can touch her and she won't care. B) She's a robot! C)She's A FUCKING ROBOT! Of course Hideki pussies out and gets his landlady to help bathe Chi. Seeing how Hideki is a ladies man he gets a date with Yumi. While he's out,Chi reads a book and this awakens a part of her memory. As a result, she meets a mysterious girl who looks exactly like her named Freya. Freya knows everything about Chi's past. Wow, seriously that's something important. I wanna know more about Chi and what really happened for her to be in the garbage. Next episode no follow up! FILLER!!! This isn't Ghost in the Shell where even in filler the episodes connect! That was a huge plot point that got no follow up!
It's clear as sharks swimming in a kiddie pool that this show is cute kawaii bullshit fluff. So here's how the episodes go. Ghost in the apartment, nothing important. Chi and Hideki plays an online game and he saves her. Nothing important! Everyone goes swimming Chi jumps overboard and Hideki nearly drowns trying to save her. Nothing happens! Finally an episode worth something. Ms. Shimizu shows up at Hideki's apartment and spends the night. She asks him if he prefers Persocoms over people. Somebody had to fucking ask! The next day, Shinbo hasn't slept at all and freaks out when Hideki tells him what happened. Later, Hideki is walking home when he sees Ms. Shimizu and Shinbo locked in a romantic embrace. ...okay now that I think about it...NO ONE CARES!


The following day Hideki wakes up with Sumomo in his bag. He finds out that Shinbo has run away with Ms. Shimizu and eloped. Pussy over everything! Hideki contacts Shinbo via...2002 Skype. Shinbo explains that Ms. Shimizu lost her trust in men when her husband bought a Persocom and became so enamoured with it that he completely forgot about her. Wow, that's sad but Shinbo that might be more bad for you. Either she's the worst wife in the world or the feel of a robo-twat was better than hers! Or more simple than that her husband was a dick. Okay, Chi cooks but she can't...kawaii bullshit yeah, yeah. Something happens to Sumomo who gives a shit?!

While Chi is on her way to work she's kidnapped! Finally! Something fucking happens! Hideki comes home to find Chi gone. Hideki talks to Mr. Ueda(Chi's boss) about Chi missing. They decide to search for Chi together and Mr. Ueda talks about his marriage to his last Persocom. I'm sorry sir, you married an android? Yeah, come to find out Ueda was deeply in love with his walking iPod. Actually this speaks volumes to me. Most men are deeply in love with something that's lifeless. Cars, music, eletronics, work...yeah, I understand. Wait no I don't, BECAUSE I DON'T FUCK MY PS3!
Episode 20! No bullshit, nothing is worth saving in this thing! Chi is still missing, no one has a clue of where Chi is. I hope a memory wiped Chi is somewhere in Bangkok. Hideki gets a strange e-mail image sent to him. It's from the infamous hacker "Dragonfly". He has Chi and he's carrying out research to find out what Chi is. Easy, she's a dumbass robot! FYI, Chi was chilling reading a book while Dragonfly was trying to find her firewall. They get Chi back no big deal. 3 episodes to find her and it ends. ...fuck you anime! Next episode, they're helping a friend move...nothing major! We then get some backstory on Yumi. She used to work at the store. Her and Mr. Ueda had started falling in love. But when Yumi learned about Mr. Ueda's previous marriage to a Persocom, she concluded that he believed Persocoms to be superior to humans. So she quit her job at his bakery and broke off the relationship.  A river...cry one! Next! Hideki meets with Shinbo and talks about Chi. Not how she's more trouble than shes worth but all the sweet things. He realizes he loves Chi. So back at
Hideki's apartment, Chi tells Hideki that she loves him. Oh shit! He says he loves her back. Outta nowhere a trigger goes off in Chi and she flies out the window and onto the roof of the building. Damn bitch...... a door.


On the roof Hideki finds Hibiya. Hibiya reveals that she is Chi's mother. She tells Hideki that Chi is a Chobit, and that Freya was Chi's sister who had died. Wait...huh? Chi is to about to launch her hidden program that might destroy all Persocoms. Zima and Dita, two advanced Persocoms wait nearby intending to stop Chi. Wow, action, and shit happening that might change the world. All of this and we have one more episode. You're probably asking "why wait this long for such a reveal?" Because there was never a strong story here! Just kawaii bullshit that only otaku's that need to get laid would like. Male or female! So finally Chi has to choose a life long mate or some shit and it's Hideki. Freya has taken control from within Chi and at her request, Hibiya issues the command to shut them down and delete their programming. Hideki cries and yells out lovey-dovey anime dialog that only 16 year girls would get wet to. Freya accepts that Chi has done the thing Freya couldn't do while alive. Piss me off? No, find her "one and only.". Awwwwwwww! Freya disappears, leaving Hideki and Chi to live happily ever after. The End!


Chobits made fanservice take on a whole new meaning to me. High School Of The Dead wasn't this bad. Despite the titties and camel toe shots, the story progressed! All the charatcers were fleshed out and it kept you entertained. Chi trying on dresses; slipping and falling; sleeping or whatever does nothing. This show is really a slap in the face to real women. Men want subserviant women and for them to do cute things. And it down grades vagina. In the words of Kevin Smith, Hideki "Wait until you bust a nut inside some girls ass. It's amazing." Besides the kawaii bullshit, the story drags its ass. It's entertaining for some, but I hate Kawaii porn.

3BlackGeeks Rating-
Dee- D+ (But I did really enjoy some of the design of the characters and animation)
Posted on September 26, 2012 .