ATL



     Critics stun me sometimes. Seriously, pick an ass cracker of a movie they'll use all the catch phrases, "Tour de'force", "Action Packed Trill Ride", "White Knuckle Action", and "Laugh Out Loud funny". To my point, critics are usually paid to say this shit to promote a bad movie, but I'm a blogger that doesn't get paid and I have no idea how to write. The one they don't use a lot is the comparison. ATL, the movie I'm reviewing, was called "The Scarface of this generation". Wait, what? Scarface, the gritty drug movie cult classic? I was shocked at that, because the trailer was bright and colorful, so you already set my sights way too high. Scarface is one of my favorite movies. So how do you think I felt when T.I. wasn't gunned down becoming a victim of his own greed and madness? Evan Ross wasn't a playboy who didn't know what true love was and when he found it, was killed by T.I. in a blood rage. Lauren London didn't take ONE BUMP of coke! This movie was nothing like Scarface! In fact, the asshat critic that said that was probably paid by the studio to say that. "Cuz dem' blacks love dem some Scarface!

      ATL was produced by Dallas Austin and T-Boz of TLC. This movie was supposed to be an example of their teenage years in Atlanta. Except its not 1986 but 2006. Also, Will Smith is a producer in this - I got no smartass comment for that. The movie was written by Antwone Fisher. Awesome he wrote "Antwone Fisher" and ............... Well, I'm sure he has this movie down, being a kid that grew up in CLEVELAND, OHIO! What the hell movie? The movie stars rapper T.I in his debut role. A lot of people say he did well. Meaning that he wasn't on the level of Juvenile, Silk the Shocker and Juelz Santana. Don't worry, I'm getting to those movies soon! This movie was also director Chris Robinson's first movie. As a video director, he's fine (despite the "How to Love" video) not so much  a movie director unlike Hype Williams, who made an modern day noir type movie, Chris Robinson tried a lot of ways of telling the story that was kind of weak. Chris Robinson ain't Hype Williams. Evan Ross the son of Diana Ross was in this- his first movie too! But who gives a shit about that? Lauren London is in this! A lot of dudes act like she's a Goddess. Im sorry, she's nothing special. Give me three minutes and a Hersey bar..... I'll find 6 girls like her. But on to this movie, I'm in no rush. This movie is boring. So boring I wish Stone Cold Steve Austin would blaze down the street on his ATV for 5 seconds. Sorry, when i get bored, I think about the WWF Atittude Era.


     We start off with shots of Atlanta. We then meet up with our cast. Rashad(T.I.) a part time custodian that lives with his Uncle George (Mykelti Williamson) and his little brother Ant (Evan Ross). That's short for Anthony white people. The brothers' parents were killed in a car accident. Maybe with the same Rhino as James' parents. If I wanna see brothers', I'd watch The Hardy Boyz promos when they fought...sorry! Sorry. I did it again! Well I guess that explains why Rashad looks mad all the time. Either sun is in his eye, he's gotta shit or the ghost of his parent piss him off. Seriously T.I. stop scowling, the camera didn't it to you. Rashad's boys are Brooklyn(Albert Daniels), Teddy(Jason Weaver), and Esquire(Jackie Long). One thing Jason Weaver...the fuck happen to your career? You were Michael Jackson, dark skinned Michael Jackson for fuck sake! Oh, since it holds a ton of weight in this story, Rashad is a talented artist but does not see much of a future in it. Foreshadowing to what you ask? Find out! Esquire is Rashad's best friend, he goes to a prep school on the opposite side of town. Like all kids in prep school he's trying to attend an Ivy League college. He finds out that he will need a letter of recommendation from someone of high stature to better his chances. Why not a scholarship? Why not a normal college? Trust me, University of Georgia or Harvard University. Either way dude in this job market your working at Wendy's. Brooklyn is the fat one that wears anything New York on it. I would call that weak writing but a lot of NYC transplants do that. Also Teddy is "Hoodie Mcghetto." Seriously their treated as extras that can talk. This crew is a skate crew, known as "The Ones". Their hangout? The Cascade, a skating rink. Yes white people we skate. Yes ignorant black people skating is popular in other parts of the country!


      While stylin' and profiln' ON SKATES! Rashad is scoped out by a girl named New-New(Lauren London), Mew Two sounds better. Not much is known about her outside of the fact that Skeletor has a fuller facial structure then she does. While I'm on it, Lauren what have you done besides fuck Lil Wayne? And riding off your looks don't count - You got ten seconds! Rashad only sees her around when she is hanging out with her friends Veda and Star(Khadijah and Malika Haqq). No comment. After a short time of (grunt) "flirting" and kinda hanging out they share a kiss. We get a scene of Rashad taking her home in his El Camino. Unknown rule ladies, if your man has an El Camino you must give him head every time you ride. Esquire off the bat hates New-New because well, he has plot hindsight. Rashad ignores Esquire and still dates New-New. With all this going on Ant has no one watching him. Who cares! So instead of bringing girls to the house or smoking weed in the basement, Ant gets involved with a drug dealer named Marcus(Big Boi). OK Big Boi is so enjoyable in this movie. Like Cam'ron in Paid In Full, its the same with Big Boi, you wanna know what he's doing at all times. Kinda like when Ken Shamrock and The Rock...damn it! I was talking about Big Boi how am I bored? Lucky for Ant whores like drug money and he starts boning a chick named Tondie. Tondie sounds like a girl who has the clap. Nah, just unnecessarily ghetto.


      Speaking of an unnecessarily ghetto name, Esquire(I know what it means!), while working at the country club meets up with...Keith David! Thank you Jesus! A real actor! Keith plays millionaire from the hood named John Garnett. And because it's Keith David, he was slowly having sex inside my ears as he talked. We find out his business is called United Express. A national company that is...well I forgot. Keith David wasn't done making love to my ear drum. The two hit it off seeing how Garnett loves Esquire's ambition and respect for his success. Ass kissing on another level. Esquire sees an opportunity to obtain the letter of recommendation, but when Esquire goes to Garnett's house to pick up the letter, he meets his daughter Erin. I'm sorry, New-New! Wait New-New I'mma let you finish but Chi-Chi from Scarface had the best double name of all time! So the shit hit the fan and broke it. New-New, fuck that name, Erin says that she will reveal where Esquire is really from. But only if he tells Rashad about her. Please, he's a business man, he'll respect you for lying to him. Like the last great Eddie Guerrero said "If your not cheating, your not trying." What? He wasn't a part of the Attitude Era!


     Well Ant is arrested for selling weed. Maybe in front of pre-school beside a church with 3 news camera's on him. We get to see Mykelti Williamson act, that's always a treat. Rashad finds out the truth about Erin and seeing how Esquire knew and didn't tell him Rashad isn't talking or skating "witch' y'all no mo". Esquire decides to return the letter to Garnett, and reveals the truth about himself and his background. Garnett tells him to kick rocks before he calls security. Trust me Bradshaw and Simmons was waiting...son of bitch I'm bored!  "The Ones" attempt to make peace with Rashad and ask him to attend Skate Wars. Rashad flip flops but decides to go. But his uncle tells him that Marcus is looking for Ant on the streets, searching for cash that Ant owes to him. Some how Rashad has the power of a bloodhound and finds the two. Rashad throws the money in Marcus' face. That was so disrespectful. Best line in the movie. Marcus holds up gun up to Rashad's head and does some shit talking. Rashad knocks it out his hands and they fight. Big Boi fighting T.I. . Its not exciting. Image Gillberg fighting Undertaker. ...yes the fight was boring. Rashad tells Ant to get into the car while Marcus grabs his gun and shoots Ant in the chest. Ray Charles face first on a pillow saw that coming. They go to the hospital and holy shit the gangs all there! Everyone reconnects and hugs. All with a poem called "Love's Deceit" overlaying the scene. Uh....deep?


     So end of the movie? Any good director would have but no, we get a "what happened to everyone?" section. Teddy opens up his own business making "Gangsta Grills". How? Outside of him being stereotypically Dirty South, when did he get the tools and education for that!? Brooklyn finds a job at a Krystal's restaurant. Atlanta enough for you?! Why not have him be the guide at the WCW Hall of Fame?? 8 people will get that joke but its worth it to me! Esquire receives a mysterious letter of recommendation and goes to his unnamed Ivy League School. I'm sure Keith David had nothing to do with that. The twins Veda and Star remain in the old neighborhood...OK no one liked those two movie. Erin goes to Spellman College, the school that....hold on Erin, Imma let you finish. But Nia Long was the best fictional student to go to Spelman College of all time! Ant changes direction, finds a new girlfriend and begins to focus on his studies in school until he gets her pregnant and he's back on the streets. Out of all of those this one makes my piss turn black! Rashad becomes a comic artist for the Sunday Edition of the Atlanta Evening Standard, the city's newspaper. Fuck you movie. He drew two pictures tops in this movie!


     This movie...isn't bad. The pacing makes you mad, Chris Robinson can't stay in one scene long enough for you to care about what's going on and what kills it for me is it's boring and I'm sure this story was done before. Everyone has mixed views on this so check it out. As for me, I'd rather watch Owen Hart screaming about not being a nugget.

3BlackGeeks Rating:
Dee - C
DjTsu - C+
Cj - B-
Posted on August 23, 2012 .